Last week I went to New York.
While I was there I planned on drinking as many cocktails and eating as many cheeseburgers as physically possible – which I did – but there was also another reason for my trip. Something I haven’t spoken about here yet, not because I haven’t wanted to, but because it has been a very difficult and turbulent time.
Will and I decided to separate a few weeks ago. For a week or so he split his time between staying with family locally and London. My trip to New York was my time to gain some perspective, headspace and independence before coming home to work out what was going on. I half expected to jet out there a quivering and crying mess, spend my New York time questioning why I wasn’t at home and return back the same emotionally frail weeper.
But what actually happened is that I re-found my spark over there, the essence of who I am. I felt like I was 10 years younger, confident, happy. I gained the perspective I needed to evaluate where I was in my life and where I was going; my relationship, family and work. The distance helped me to see so clearly where we’d been going wrong and what we needed to do to put it right.
Will and I have now split up. Without going into the details, we are both very different people to the ones we were when we embarked on our relationship 10 years ago. We love each other dearly and are going to do our utmost to live separate lives in the best way possible for our two lovely children, but to be truly happy we need to be apart. We’re separating for no other reason than sometimes these things just don’t work out, not for want of trying or lack of hoping.
We are both sad but know this is the right thing to do and in time we’ll be a better family for this decision. As much as I have been grieving for our life that will never be, I can truly say that I have not felt this positive about the future in a long time, like a big weight has been lifted. Although this process will not be easy it is most definitely for the best.
So that’s me, that’s the reason for New York. I had a wonderful holiday and lost 5lbs. Who said splitting up was without advantage?!