The Men Of Tinder

When it comes to online dating I’ve tried everything.

I started out on where I swiftly left after a deluge of “u ok hun?” messages. Ditto OK Cupid. My Single Friend felt quite high-maintenance (though I did date someone for a couple of months I found there) and everyone on Guardian Soulmates within a 30 mile radius seems to be oh-so-serious about finding The One that it become a little The Men Of Tinderboring.

Sidenote: thanks to a dating local it was brought to my attention that if you narrow your dating radius to our town only there is only ONE man to date on Guardian Soulmates. Just one. I’ve dated him already, she works with him. Says it all.

Which is why I keep coming back to Tinder. Low-maintenance, low-effort, (sometimes) low-rent Tinder. It’s been an experience, but you know what, it’s my favourite. The convenience, the mindlessness, the laughs. It’s popular for a reason.

With a generic dating website you can get so bogged down in detail. There are a million questions you must answer about yourself – favourite cuisine, first pets, possible underlying medical disorders – as well as a 500 word diatribe you must write about who you are, where you’ve been and what you want. For me this changes by the hour so I always find it tough to articulate all these things in one little box. Of course it can work well to get to know a person before you meet them but I find all that information about a guy can be too overwhelming, give me the short and sweet version anytime.

So again: TINDER!

When I first signed up I felt a bit weird about the whole thing. A year ago it was still thought of as a hookup app and I IMG_7590expected that as I single mum I should be doing more worthwhile things, like baking cakes for the school Harvest Festival, rescuing sick sparrows or volunteering at a hospital, not perusing pictures of men with the thought of S-E-X at the back of my mind. I was worried I’d arrive on a date with someone who had wildly different expectations to me of jumping into bed immediately and I’d be stuck trying to extract myself from the most awkward situation ever (i.e., not jumping into bed immediately). As it turned out I’ve had plenty of awkward date situations but nothing as bad as I expected. I’ve had my fair share of awkward silences but it turns out that these days, Tinder ain’t just for shagging.

You will find what you expect on Tinder: a lot of guys with their guns out, poor spelling (today alone I have seen “10 seconds of currage” and “Gym gower”) and literally 99% of men claim to be looking for someone with whom to enjoy “nights in or nights out” – JUST LIKE THE REST OF THE SINGLE UK POPULATION THEN, MATE? There are way too many men posing with
drugged tigers or crocodiles, as I suppose it’s ‘well exotic’ to show that time you visited a zoo in Thailand in between full moon parties on your gap year.

The Men of TinderThere are also the men who post selfies of themselves in mirrors – fair enough. But I will admit to judging them on the state of their bedrooms, how clean their mirrors are and that dodgy wallpaper they probably thought no-one would be looking at…

Other things you will see on the regular:
– Men who say they are 39 but are either lying or have had very difficult lives
– Tattoos. Tattoos EVERYWHERE: neck, face, everywhere
– Requests for “Netflix and chill” (ask your neice/nephew/younger sibling)
– The manager of GAP who you always fancied but oh god he’s only 24 and no I couldn’t possibly swipe right because if it went wrong I’d never be able to shop at GAP again
– A bare bottom (admittedly quite a tasty one)
– Crossfit or Mixed Martial Arts. YAWN.
– Men with interesting jobs (Alan the Funeral Director from Northampton was particularly memorable)
– Men with their tops off when they really should be kept on
– My personal favourite – that guy above who just appeared to be a floating head.The Men of Tinder

It’s not all doom and gloom, though. Tinder actually seems to be a pretty acceptable way to meet people in these difficult modern dating times. I had a lovely few months at the beginning of 2015 with someone I met on Tinder who I’m still happy to call a friend (I’m inserting that sentence here as I know he’s been stalking my blog ever since I told him I was writing about Tinder ;) Only kidding, Dan!). I’m still in touch with everyone I’ve met on Tinder since then and so for me it’s been a genuinely good way of meeting friends in a new place.

And no, I never did meet up with Alan the Funeral Director from Northampton. Maybe he will always be the one who got away?

Pictures (badly) edited to protect the guilty. And that Love Heart up there? It was my creation and can now be found in all good packs of modern Love Hearts :) 

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  1. Laura wrote:

    Brilliant. And I saw the infamous gentleman from Guardian Soulmates earlier in the work canteen! I imagine he feels like all his birthdays have come at once.

    Posted 10.14.15 Reply
    • alice wrote:

      Oh hilarious. We really are screaming out for some new men here. Can we ship them in from somewhere?

      Posted 10.14.15 Reply
      • Laura wrote:

        Someone told me that there is an untapped source in the Levi’s Store in CMK (the desperation). Even worse, I ‘dropped’ by there the next day. Other apparent places they tend to congregate – at Wolverton Station around 7am, ahead of the 7.10am train. They are around, but like an elusive wild animal.

        Posted 10.14.15 Reply
  2. Lori wrote:

    Love this! I have the guilty pleasure of going through Tinder with my mate who has recently become a single mum and the giggles we had over a glass of wine – although yep I know that’s not necessarily the desired effect but sometimes you have to wonder what on earth they’re thinking with some of the pics they send. I think it can be a great way to put yourself out there and meet people and it’s only a hook up if you want it to be ;) x

    Posted 10.14.15 Reply
  3. Laura wrote:

    Really enjoyed reading this and it’s explained a few thing to me about Tinder and I totally think that it’s completely socially acceptable to meet and have meaningful relationships using apps like this – I mean even blogging I have met amazing people and it’s fantastic. I’m looking forward to reading more about your dating adventures…maybe with Alan the funeral director :)

    Laura x

    Posted 10.14.15 Reply
  4. Kathryn wrote:

    This post made me giggle – floating head man – and also made me feel quietly smug that I know what Netflix and Chill means (only cos I read about it in a mag recently) so I can’t be completely out of touch.

    Keep doing it as long as you’re enjoying it I say! xx

    Posted 10.15.15 Reply
  5. Katy wrote:

    Ha! What a brilliant post, so funny. I recently got my bro-in-law to chat me through Tinder and it was like playing a game. I think being so light hearted about it must make for more enjoyable dates with far less pressure than more formal dating websites. I think I like floating head man the most ;) x

    Posted 10.15.15 Reply
  6. Fritha wrote:

    I’m often telling people about your love heart creation! Totally had to google ‘Netlix and Chill’ I thought it would mean watching a documentary with a cup of tea, I clearly lead a sheltered life. Floating head man made me actual LOL too! x

    Posted 10.15.15 Reply
  7. Katy from Modern Mummy wrote:

    OMG this made me laugh. I literally only discovered what ‘netflix and chill’ means the other day when I was listening to Matt Edmonson’s GRAN on Radio 1. Yes really.

    My personal favourites on Tinder are the men who take selfies of themselves in bed (why? why why why?) and public bathroom selfies with urinals in the background. Blurgh! I’m not having any luck with it at all though really. The men ‘my age’ all look old enough to be my dad, and the ones I fancy are about 27. Bit better than Harry Styles though I suppose x

    Posted 10.15.15 Reply
  8. Lucy wrote:

    Loved reading about Tinder, Alice. It wasn’t a thing when I was dating 3 years ago, I found love on Plenty of Fish would you believe! We are still going strong 3 years on and have a little one on the way :) Tinder sounds like a lot of fun though, I want a single friend to let me have a nosey at hers! Ps: I too only found out what ‘netflix and chill’ meant the other day from Matt Edmonson’s granny on Radio 1, you are not alone Katy!

    Posted 10.15.15 Reply
  9. Lottie :: Oyster and Pearl wrote:

    I DON’T KNOW WHAT NETFLIX AND CHILL MEANS! Am I officially too old for Tinder now?

    Love this post, and I’m glad it’s not just for hook ups ;)

    Posted 10.15.15 Reply
  10. Julie T wrote:

    I think this is great. Dating sites and apps are perfect for single parents and busy peeps. I met my long term boyfriend on Tinder and just over a year after we met we’re now expecting a baby! I always tell people it’s not just for hook-ups. You just gotta look harder…

    Posted 11.24.15 Reply
    • alice wrote:

      I am definitely going to keep at it then Julie!!

      Posted 11.24.15 Reply
  11. Joanna Frangos wrote:

    I love your take on Tinder because I feel exactly the same. Tinder is a neutral space, people can use it how they want. Some people are very clear they are looking to an affair or they have open marriages and want a bit of fun (to be honest they annoy me because I am genuinely single. Some people are just greedy). I have been using Tinder since last August and have had a few dates, met a lovely guy who I went a bit further with and then decided it wasn’t quite right. Have just met a man (Saturday evening) and we had the best date ever. Early days but I am definitely a Tinder convert.

    Posted 11.24.15 Reply
    • alice wrote:

      Ooh hope your Saturday evening date has promise!

      I do find the Tinder profiles without faces and all sorts of bondage photographs intriguing. Not enough to swipe right on them but… I wonder if they ever have much luck?!

      Posted 11.24.15 Reply
  12. Joanna Frangos wrote:

    I agree re being intrigued. It would be an interesting start to a chick lit book (or maybe a mummy porn novel). The guy I met on Saturday is a trained psychotherapist, there was no hint of his interest in his profile so it was a delight to discover that. I am too x

    Posted 11.25.15 Reply
    • alice wrote:

      Love the idea of mummy porn novel! I always toyed with the idea of starting an anon dating blog but thought that would mean I was giving up hope of ever finding love ;)

      What a wonderful discovery for a Tinder date! I hope this is meant to be ;) x

      Posted 11.25.15 Reply
  13. Sam wrote:

    You have it easy. You’re an attractive women on Tinder. Try being a South Asian/Middle Eastern guy and see how many white women respond. Not many.

    Posted 1.21.16 Reply
  14. Oji wrote:

    Quite informative and helpful article.
    Down goes the silly profile picture, up goes a mature serious one. Because unlike what people say, books seem to be always judged by covers. lol
    Ps Where do I submit my Marriage application? Hope the deadline isn’t closed. lol :-)

    Posted 2.7.16 Reply