How To Introduce Your Kids To Your Boyfriend

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I wish I could say that I’d spent months planning how I’d have my kids meet my boyfriend. I wrote about it earlier on this year, wondering the right and best way to do it that would suit them, him, and me.

But I sensed it might be one of those things that would never go the way you imagined: much like many things that happen with kids. You know? You can spend hours and hours plotting your school runs, birthday parties or Tuesday mornings, and one way or another your children will have other ideas.

Best laid plans and all that.

But in reality, the children meeting my boyfriend, the man I reckon will be in our lives for quite a while if not forever, was one of those things that just seemed to happen. There was no muss, fuss or worry. And you know what? It was amazing, and has been pretty wonderful ever since.

If I had to do it again, here’s why I reckon it went so well:

How To Introduce Your Kids To Your Boyfriend

Make sure he is ready
My man really likes children: he has two older ones of his own as well as nieces and nephews, so I knew he’d be as comfortable around my kids as he could be. If your bloke is a single guy without his own kids or small people in his life, it might be prudent to give him a little longer so he can come round to the idea. Ultimately though, take his lead: if he doesn’t seem to worried about it, there’s no more you can do

Do it in a neutral place
The first time I hung out with both my boyfriend and my kids we were at the gym. They’d just been to their favourite kids club and it was supper time for them, as is our usual Monday evening routine. It wasn’t planned, we just all happened to be sitting next to each other at the same time, and it was No Big Deal.

I introduced him as my friend and the kids took it in their stride – they were so used to the routine of their gym class followed by their mac n’cheese that having an extra grown-up in the equation didn’t seem to worry them one bit.

Keep PDAs to a minimum
It’s natural when you fall in love with someone to want to have your hands on them ALL THE TIME (or is it just me who’s a horny beggar?) and so the children didn’t get confused, my boyfriend and I made sure we were neutral with each other when we were around them. Now he’s seen them on the regular for the last couple of months there’s the odd hand hold or kiss – and I think it’s important for the kids to see affection in an adult relationship (see also: that horny beggar again) – but it’s considered and it’s balanced with lots of affection from me to them, too.

Continue to be a threesome (or twosome, or foursome) without your new man
It has been so wonderful to have such a brilliant man step into our family life, but again I don’t want to overwhelm the children with his presence all in one go. We do stuff together – have dinner, read stories, go swimming – but I’m careful to ensure I stick to the kids boundaries and continue to do activities just the three of us.

Let the kids set the pace
Again, this seems to have been something that’s happened quite naturally in our situation, and I think letting the children take the lead when it comes to this new relationship has been very valuable. They’ve always been very friendly with my boyfriend and obviously enjoy spending time in his company, and that’s now progressed to hugs when they see him and demands for games being played together.

That’s been all them, and it warms my cockles to see them respond to his presence.

If you’ve gone through this situation, how would you recommend introducing your kids to your boyfriend?

  1. Hi Alice, Lovely to read this, I’m glad it’s working so well for you all. We took similar steps when introducing Simon to Darcy. She was quite young at the time so very accepting of a fun, friendly adult that wanted to hang out and do cool stuff together. We started off taking it slowly and just going for fun days out together and built it from there. We’ve never looked back! Sending lots of love to you and the gang xxx

    1. That’s exactly it Lucy! I think it’s just added fun and cool stuff from the moment and it’s going so wonderfully well. Loads of love back to your gorgeous crew xxx

  2. This makes me so happy. Just reading that sentence – the man I reckon will be in our lives for a long time if not forever. That makes made super happy. My cockles are warm. Xx

  3. Amazing – but just to check (sorry, I don’t have Instagram!) – this is NOT the guy you wrote about introducing them to earlier this year? That guy turned out to be a ghosting knob but now you have this fab new S-dog guy?! :) Suoer happy for you – but it would be easier to keep track if you’d introduce US (your readers!) to him too!! ;) xxxxxx

  4. Aww I’m so happy things are working out well! I still haven’t introduced my two to The New Man in my life yet and I think it will still be a good while yet. I was always adamant that they wouldn’t see men coming and going from our lives. I don’t want them growing up thinking that it’s ‘normal’ for mummy to date multiple men. That sounds terrible doesn’t it? But I want to be sure that he’s sticking around for good before I let them get attached you know? We’ve only been dating for nine months so in the grand scheme of things it still feels early doors to me. Too early for the kids to meet him anyway. Sorry I’m rambling but this has really made me think WHEN will be the right time for us? It’s not just yet I know that much!

  5. Alice,

    I remember your previous earlier on in the year regarding the ghoster?? I am delighted that this has gone well for you. I think you can generally sense when these are right. Even getting on for 2 years after introducing my parter to my twins (my partner now lives with us), I still try to make three musketeer time. This is something I will continue to maintain but it isn’t as rigid as it was before. They’re happy and comfortable and that’s what counts. Sounds like your two are the same. But isn’t it so much easier now that they have met?!

    1. Thank you Charlotte! I feel very lucky, but I guess reinforces that karma is real and if you have a really awful run of luck then finally something lovely will happen?
      I think three musketeer time is really important and will always happen with us too. And YES, SO much easier now they’ve met. It feels amazing!

  6. Great news! but is this after the guy that ghosted you back in May? Where do you find the time?! (Genuine question!). Single mum of two here, and I just don’t have the time to emotionally invest atm and thought of being ghosted in May and then very serious relationship in July sort of terrifies me!

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