Identity Crisis

This post originally appeared in my old blog,

One thing I have struggled hard with over the last week is the fear of losing my identity. I have always wanted to be a mum, and a young one at that, so the concept is not unexpected nor new to me. But how do I become ‘mum’ and still remain ‘Alice’?

I do a lot of fun things that I often take for granted. I work for an amazing magazine, a job that has introduced me to many things I otherwise wouldn’t have been aware of. I haven’t paid to see live music (including festivals) for the last 7 years because of Will’s job. I enjoy eating out regularly at michelin-starred restaurants and drink in private members clubs. I get to spend my weekends in bed if I want, or at London markets eating cheese and drinking cider with my friends. I know I won’t be able to do all these things when the baby comes, so does that mean I will be less ‘me’?

The ‘mummy blogger’ scene is a strange one; in my job I have worked with fashion, music and even food bloggers, but not the mums. I have read many of them over the last couple of days as I find their material compelling, and how wonderful it must be to have somewhere to record and feedback on the ins and outs of parenting.

But, dare I say it, some of them seem a little dry. For years I have enjoyed blogs such as Dooce, Everyday Stranger, DasBecca, Mademoiselle Robot, Girls Gone Child and LLG because they not only talk about their main subject matter but diversify into others – interiors, fashions, mental health, photography, food, wine… I find myself hooked on these people’s lives, feeling their agonies and triumphs as much as I do my friends’. These blogs aside, I can’t help but feel some ‘Mummy Bloggers’ have left their previous lives and successes behind to simply become mothers. I look forward to being the best mum I can possibly be, but I know to do that I need to keep aspects of my current life, too.

Saying that, I came across one blog today that I had to sit and read through in its entirety. Metropolitan Mum is brilliant – a London mum recording life with her husband and six month old baby. She makes it so easy to relate, perhaps it helps that we live in the same neighborhood and she too conceived quickly after being told she was challenged fertility-wise. Whatever the reason, I will enjoy being along for the ride, safe in the knowledge that Met Mum not only loves talking about being a mum, she also goes to Brora sample sales and enjoys spending Saturdays in Liberty’s. Sounds like my kind of woman.

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  1. becca wrote:

    I just stopped by to read and found this entry, and it made my whole week. Seriously. I think you’re going to have no problem staying Alice post-baby, since you have so many interests going into it beforehand. The women I know who seem to be Only Moms were usually Only Wives before that, and Only Girlfriends prior to that. You know what I mean? It’s easy to define yourself by a single role if you’re looking for definition. But you know who you are, and who you are is awesome, and you will only be more multi-faceted with your new daughter in the picture. <3

    Posted 1.6.10 Reply
  2. Hannah wrote:

    This entry caught my eye because it’s a subject i think about a lot. I’ve perused SO MANY ‘mummy blogs’ or blogs written by women who are mothers and like you, i prefer those which cover a wide variety of subjects and where the blogger seems to have kept her unique identity/interests. There are so many identikit Mummy Blogs which i find it hard to be interested in but the ones you linked to are great :)

    Posted 1.7.10 Reply
  3. Hi Alice,

    First: congratulations on your pregnancy!

    Thank you so much for this immense compliment. You made my day, to say the least.

    I have just read through your entire blog, and I can vividly remember all that worrying – the physical as well as the emotional worries that come together with the life-changing event that’s lying ahead of you.

    Don’t worry too much. You seem to do brilliantly.

    During the first weeks of having your baby you’ll probably feel like your mind, your marbles and yourself. But then, after you have all settled a bit, you’ll realise that you are still you after all. That this little person is the best thing that ever happened to you, that you have more love within you than you’d ever thought possible and that there is a bond between you and your husband that cannot be replaced be anything else in the world.

    xx Deborah

    Posted 1.10.10 Reply
  4. Alice wrote:

    Thank you thank you thank you, all three of you. Wonderful words that made me grin from ear-to-ear :) Xxx

    Posted 1.12.10 Reply
  5. Kristy wrote:

    I agree with Metropolitan Mum I’m pretty certain that as you are obviously thoughtful of how becoming a mum might affect you then you’ll be still be the person you want to be.Having a baby doesn’t stop your life it adds to it no matter what you decide to do. I do understand what you mean about some ‘mummy bloggers’ but really sometimes simply being a mum is what some women want to be for that time in their lives.It’s not a negative thing.Doing what makes you and your family happy is what matters not doing what you think you should do. Finding yourself again can actually be as much as an adventure as always being yourself.
    All the best in your wonderful journey. x

    Posted 2.1.10 Reply