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I’m never going to put boundaries on myself ever again.
I’m never going to say “I can’t do it”.
I’m never going to say “maybe”.
I’m never going to say “I don’t think I can”
I can and I will.
– Nadiya Hussein
This is for anyone out there who doubts themselves, who worries they’re not good enough or they’re not living the life they should be. For anyone who measures themselves against others, who frets their lives aren’t like Instagram or doesn’t feel like the perfect mother. For anyone who feels unmotivated, uninspired, talentless, who doesn’t know which step to take next. For anyone who thinks Mercury in Retrograde and the changing seasons are getting to them or is feeling rubbish because they had their first ever car accident this week (just me then?)
The way Nadiya reacted to winning last night’s Bake Off final touched me in a way I haven’t remembered feeling in ages. I think it was a story that all women can identify with; going into a situation feeling as if you don’t deserve to be there and slowly earning your confidence. It’s happened to me as a mum, at work and at home. And will continue to happen to us as women way more than it should.
Sometimes when you look around you it seems that everyone is so much more successful than you. That colleague with the bags of confidence or the school mum who always looks immaculate at 8.30am. But remember – those who shout the loudest are not the most successful, they are just more vocal. I can guarantee for every good hair day you covet at the school gates there’s someone else thinking the same about you. If you believe you’re a failure as a parent because your 5 year old doesn’t sleep through the night know that you’re not – mine doesn’t either, but we just don’t talk about it.
My friend Laura Jane Williams has the most perfect tagline to her blog that I think sums up how to be a modern woman brilliantly: “basically none of us is fucking up like we think we are, is what I’m trying to say.” It’s something I try to think about every day, when I wonder what I’m doing in life, where I’m going or just basically WTF. Nadya’s story on the Bake Off should be a lesson to all of us who have ever felt like we’re fucking up – by imposing our own boundaries and saying “I can’t” we are only hurting ourselves.
You are successful, that is a great hair day, you are a wonderful mum. Don’t doubt it.
And come on now, if Nadiya made Mary Berry cry you know this woman is the real deal.
Next time let’s say, “I can and I will”. Who’s with me?