We’ve known each other a long time now, going on ten years. Our relationship has had its ups and downs – that brief love affair with espresso martinis was pretty special – but something’s got to change. It’s too intense.
Remember the good old days? The fun we had a couple of days a week in the pub at work, the champagne on a Saturday night, the odd glass of Malbec with my steak at Gaucho? On the whole those days were awesome, with the exception of that time Sambucca made me throw up in the sink at work.
But I forgave you, we got past it.
We’ve had a different kind of relationship in the last two years haven’t we, booze my friend? We meet less at the pub as you now come directly to my house. Sometimes via The Co-Op or Tesco, often via The Wine Society or the posh wine shop down the road. This way we can say that our relationship is a bit special, it’s fancier if you spend more than six quid on a bottle. Nevertheless you still give me a fuzzy head, posh or not.
Recently I’ve noticed new things about my relationship with you. We turn to prosecco for celebrations, red wine for sad times. Cocktails for a special weekend. You always seem to be hanging around and it’s starting to make me uneasy. I don’t want to rely on you to celebrate or perk me up and it’s pretty hard to parent on a hangover. I’ll be honest: I’m tired of you. I’m fed up of going a bit cuckoo after a particularly potent Dirty Martini and rather like it when I don’t wake up with gaps in my memory after a big night out.
We need to go on a break.
I’m not ending things, not at all. I still see plenty of lazy Sunday lunches with a glass of red ahead of us and the odd summer evening with a crisp Marlborough Savignon. But something’s got to give, I’m way too reliant on your seductive charms.
We will be spending some time apart- I’m asking you to leave me alone until October 20th. I need to re-evaluate my life without you and work out where we’re going from here. We won’t have the same relationship going forward: I’m getting older, I’m more tired than I used to be. I have other priorities now which mean I just don’t have enough time for you.
I won’t be lonely, though, don’t you worry about me. I have my good friend Tap Water on hand, and for those special days I will reach for Appletiser. They’ve seen me through two pregnancies so you know they will look after me well.
I will probably miss you my old pal, so please believe me when I say it’s not you, it’s me.
See you in 20 days!
Love and cheers,