You lovely people. I laughed and cried and smiled with the lovely words I received after my last post. Every comment, tweet, email and text was such a lift; knowing I am not on my own in the way I am feeling meant so much and all your warm wishes were just wonderful. I had no idea so many had been here and it felt good to understand that I’m not alone, far from it actually.
I wrote that post the night before I published it and sat on it all morning before hitting ‘send’. Letting those thoughts out into the world made me feel quite anxious and sick, if anything the last few weeks have taught me that I’m not good at opening up to people about my problems. Especially not ones I perceive as weaknesses, though strangely I’ve never seen depression as a weakness in anyone else before. I nearly didn’t post it but no matter how ashamed I felt I knew I wanted to put it all out there, because if my words could resonate with one other person then it would have been worth it.
I posted the blog then closed down my computer for the afternoon in case I got a negative response but the opposite was true. I received overwhelming feedback and went to bed that evening feeling one hundred times better than I have in weeks.
Your wonderful responses truly made me feel that I have nothing to be ashamed of. I was saddened by how many people said “hey, I’ve been there, but never felt able to speak about it publicly” because I know how sad it is to feel so alone.
You made me feel so good that tea time at 5pm with Elfie was a lovely experience (it can sometimes be fraught with the feeling of ‘get this day over as quickly as possible’) and even bathtime was fun. It’s often something I skip as I can’t face it, promising Elfie a splash in the shower with me in the morning instead which admittedly she loves, but tonight we got the Christmas bath treats out and she had a ball with a mummy who was present, and more importantly, happy.
I appreciate my online friends so very much. Thank-you. I will be replying to each and every comment, text or tweet but give me a couple of days as I pull myself together for the GP (tomorrow, here’s hoping she understands) and decompress from the festive season.
Speaking of which…
The Harolds had a marvellous time! Despite my precarious state of mind it was lovely to spend so much time with my extended family and just relax a little bit. There was lots of food, tons of presents (mostly for Elfie and Hux) and even a bit of SingStar. Children really do create a certain sort of magic during the festive season. Here are our obligatory Christmas photos: