Confessions Of A Teenage Mother (Kind Of)

April 25, 2014


My lovely friend Alison from The Motherhood wrote a piece recently that really resonated with me. She says that she spends a lot of her time amazed that she’s a grown-up, and even more that she’s a mother. I nodded my way through all this because I have a confession to make: for the last ten years I have been pretending to be an adult. I might have turned 18, I might be driving a car, boozing it up and voting in elections but the thing is, I’m actually still about seventeen.

Every time I walk into a shop to buy alcohol and don’t get asked to show ID I stop for a moment and think – really? Don’t they know I’m underage and shouldn’t be drinking this ten quid bottle of wine? How can they be sure I’m not going to go round the back and neck it with my friends on our BMXs? Never mind the fact I’m in Waitrose and am toting my membership card, my free tea, car keys sensible handbag and two children… I still feel the guilt of doing something a little bit naughty.

Similarly, I totally feel guilt when my mum texts me and doesn’t put kisses on the end. I think, uh-ho, what have I done wrong? Did I stay out too late again? Did she catch me kissing another boy (hasn’t happened since I was 16, honest). Did I get in trouble at school for skiving drama to go to Topshop? Did I accidentally go into my overdraft and she found out about it (this never happens, I promise mum!)?

Then it comes to these two mini people who apparently I am in sole charge of 80% of the time. When we’re in public and one of them yells “MUMMY!” it still takes me a couple of moments to realise they’re talking to me. I relate more to my kids than the other mums at pre-school (probably cos they’re actual grown-ups) and would totally shop at Zara Kids if I was only a couple of feet shorter. At a party recently I ended up in the TV room watching Saturday night TV with the teenagers because the adults were talking about adult things and at that same party someone asked me how I was enjoying University. I like to play with Lego, PlayDoh and am totally cool with that.

I worry that I don’t have conversations about finance or politics because frankly, it bores me. My jokes are crude, my pop culture interests revolve around Kim Kardashian and I don’t really have an off switch when it comes to wine or cocktails. I buy shampoo that I’m sure is targeted at 16 year olds (hi, Soap and Glory!). I listen to the Frozen soundtrack even when the kids aren’t with me and I wear a bright red GShock watch. My favourite outfit revolves around skinny jeans and my Liberty print Vans and I TOTALLY get where Michael Scott is coming from. THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID. 

The one thing that does make me feel a bit like a grownup is my forehead wrinkles. And they can be fixed by Botox so are not even relevant.

Is this normal? Need I feel necessarily worried as I enjoy the kids’ baked beans with a glass of wine and a Beyonce singalong this evening (hey, it’s Friday!). No word of a lie, to celebrate the weekend I’m currently jamming to a playlist that would mostly have not been out of place in my favourite club 11 years ago: TLC and Missy Elliot YO! Please tell me there are some other teen mothers like me (well, mentally at least) out there. And then lets go out and get irresponsibly hungover together, yeah?

Above: daytime drinking with @Photogirluk. Definitely not sensible adult behaviour. Loads of fun though. 

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  • Reply Alison Perry April 25, 2014 at 6:26 pm

    hahahahaa BRILLIANT. Yep, you definitely are not a grown up. JUST LIKE ME.

    Let’s watch the E! channel all night, drink dubious coloured alcohol and dance to Ace of Base, YEAH??

    • Reply alice April 26, 2014 at 9:55 am

      Yes please!! Make mine a VK Ice! I’ll bring all my back copies of Shout! mag and we can read the problem pages aloud.

  • Reply Lizzi April 25, 2014 at 6:36 pm

    I notice it the most when I see my folks – I basically act like a teenager and can’t understand why they don’t want to do everything for me and Soph. How rude?!
    My mum has always said to me that she still feels 18 inside and now I think I agree. Can’t wait for first post-baby hangover! Woo!

    • Reply alice April 26, 2014 at 9:58 am

      YES! I do love how stepping over the threshold of your parents house means you revert to a 12 year old. “muuuuuum, can you make me a cup of teeeea?”

  • Reply Camilla Hikl April 25, 2014 at 7:00 pm

    Yeah I must be MTV’s oldest viewer. I felt more grown up once I had my second child and once I owned my own velux window (in a loft conversion). All very adult, but still feel like a fraud! I hear my husband talking business stuff and think “huh! he sounds like a real business person”, then I realise well yes, he is! It is most odd when a child refers to you as “that lady”. I used to hear older people say they still felt the same they did before and I realise now it is true! Great post.

    • Reply alice April 26, 2014 at 9:59 am

      yes! The ‘that lady’ things is very weird. I always look behind me ;)

  • Reply Hannah April 25, 2014 at 7:02 pm

    Snap! I go to toddler groups and realise that I’m dungarees I am potentially matching most of the 2 1/2 year olds there – my monster included. I still feel strange if not asked for Id and got given the most disapproving look by my toddler when I jumped onto the sofa to sing along to the spice girls (how do I still remember ALL the words !?) and to top it off during a game of snap I may or may not have just taught my daughter the ‘Looosseeerrr’ dance?!?! Grow up? Nah that’s just boring! x

    • Reply alice April 26, 2014 at 10:04 am

      Ahhh you’ve inspired me to give The Spice Girls a listen today!

  • Reply Morgana @ butwhymummywhy April 25, 2014 at 7:55 pm

    Yes! Me too! Like you I nodded all the way through reading Alison’s post. I am such a fraud, I’m definitely still 17 not nearly 30 (weeps). It doesn’t help that I’m the youngest mum at the school gate and so definitely feel like a teen mum standing next to lots of proper grown up mums! x

  • Reply Kate Pirouette April 25, 2014 at 9:04 pm

    TOTALLY bog standard normal! I’m right there with you!

    Now….if no-ones looking do you fancy a pink sobrani and a bottle of Hooch? But if my Mum finds out it was all your idea….ok?

    Kate x
    Just Pirouette and Carry On…

    • Reply alice April 26, 2014 at 10:05 am

      heheh, ahh good old Hooch!! Those were the days…

  • Reply The Style Box April 25, 2014 at 10:39 pm

    Yup! Teen mumma over here! Next year I’ll have left school 10 years ago. How the hell did that happen?
    My husband, when talking about someone who has done something amazing, will still say things like ‘yeah and he’s only my age’ and I have to remind him that he’s actually quite old now haha

    • Reply alice April 26, 2014 at 10:12 am

      Aggh I left school 10 years again too! It makes me feel old. x

  • Reply Rin April 26, 2014 at 6:05 am

    You are not alone. I still feel like a child and then I look in the mirror see those forehead wrinkles and realise that I am a long way away from childhood. That’s the best thing about having kids.. You can just fingerpaint all day if you like.

    • Reply alice April 26, 2014 at 10:16 am

      that sounds like fun, I think I might fingerpaint all day today :)

  • Reply Bex @ The Mummy Adventure April 26, 2014 at 10:44 pm

    All normal adults build Lego spaceships after the kids have gone to bed right? I am totally still a teen mum at heart

    • Reply alice April 26, 2014 at 10:52 pm

      my lego specialty is towns ;)

  • Reply Pixie Ronn April 26, 2014 at 11:36 pm

    Hahaha this is brilliant & so true!

  • Reply PhotoPuddle April 27, 2014 at 11:02 am

    I just turned 37, have kids, a husband, a mortgage and all that responsible stuff. However, I still don’t feel like a proper grown up. I am actually starting to think it will never happen. I will be in my 80s and still feeling like a teenager. I think that’s a pretty cool thing though!

  • Reply Katie @mummydaddyme April 27, 2014 at 3:02 pm

    I am reading back through my bloglovin feed and had to comment on this one too! I totally get what you are saying with this post too. I often feel like I am still a teenager, or desperately clinging on to being a teenager. ;0) I keep looking at clothes in Topshop that my sister says are far too young for me, I sit and watch Gossip Girl, Teen Mom and Pretty Little Liars instead of Downton Abbey and sensible adult programmes, and I just don’t really have an interest in politics or grown up dinner party conversation. ;) I sometimes can’t believe I have responsibility for two small humans or that I have a mortgage- it’s pretty scary really! x

    • Reply Amy April 28, 2014 at 1:31 pm

      I watch GG too Katie hahah!! And One Tree Hill and The OC! x

  • Reply Rachel April 27, 2014 at 8:08 pm

    Best mum blog post ever, this rings so true. We spent quite a while singing ‘the fresh prince of bel air’ theme tune to our baby as we didn’t know the words to much else and I still feel naughty parking in the mother and baby parking!

  • Reply Mummy tobande April 27, 2014 at 10:08 pm

    Oh totes agree.
    Now if only I could still get in to top shop!
    It’s alright feeling like a 17 year old. But I have learnt that I might think I have not changed but my thighs definitely have and top shop minis are no longer an option.

  • Reply Amy April 28, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    Aww so glad I read this! I feel the exact same! I still get worried when my mum rings me during the day as she knows I am at work – I feel like I must have done something wrong and she found out! x

  • Reply Hurrah For Gin April 28, 2014 at 7:43 pm

    Yep me too! I have a feeling this is incredibly common and even when i’m 60 i won’t feel any different.
    i have recently totally gone off celebrity magazines though in favour of weekend supplements – so maybe some things are changing…..

  • Reply Love the little things, week 18 | butwhymummywhy May 2, 2014 at 9:46 am

    […] Alice from More Than Toast has confessed that she feels like a teen mum.. Confessions of a Teenage Mother (Kind of..) […]

  • Reply Tuesday Treats « dorkymum May 12, 2014 at 7:30 pm

    […] “I worry that I don’t have conversations about finance or politics because frankly, it bores me. My jokes are crude, my pop culture interests revolve around Kim Kardashian and I don’t really have an off switch when it comes to wine or cocktails. I buy shampoo that I’m sure is targeted at 16 year olds (hi, Soap and Glory!). I listen to the Frozen soundtrack even when the kids aren’t with me and I wear a bright red GShock watch. My favourite outfit revolves around skinny jeans and my Liberty print Vans…” – Confessions of a Teenage Mother (kind of) – More than Toast […]

  • Reply Sonya Cisco May 13, 2014 at 8:45 am

    I am 40 and still imagine that one day a switch is going to go off in my head and I will wake up giving a toss about pensions. I think some people are born grown up, and others are eternal kids. I don’t feel a lot different in the last 15 or so years, I just gained more responsibilities!

  • Reply becky May 13, 2014 at 5:19 pm

    I felt like this till my parents died and now i feel really grown up and I hate it!

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