– When multiple people tell you to “get your sleep in now, you won’ t be getting any once the baby’s here, hohoho” you will want to punch them in the face. Don’t, because they’re right.
– Daytime TV really does get boring. Apart from Come Dine With Me and Desperate Housewives.
– There is nothing like worrying about tiny babies. Metaphorical burglars/child kidnappers and shopping centre baby snatchers become an actual possibility.
– Because of these metaphorical burglars (who will strike in the middle of the night) you will never fall into a deep sleep ever again.
– Piles are actually real and do happen. They aren’t just made up to scare you into not getting pregnant, dammit.
– Learning the skill of peeing into a really really tiny receptacle is vital.
– You will become so used to dropping your pants that you absentmindedly go to unbutton your jeans when a stranger asks you for the time.
– Aches and pains appear in places you never thought existed, see: SPD in your crotch, cramp in your calf muscles. OUCH.
– Peeing becomes not just a random bodily function but something you need to do ALL THE TIME.
– Climbing stairs becomes a work-out: something to do with a decreased lung capacity.
– Absolute strangers come up to you in the street and touch your tummy, telling you with absolute certainty that by the shape of your bump you are having a boy/girl/unicorn, and you will want to punch them in the face. Don’t, even when you know they’re wrong, because it’s usually an old lady.
– Being a mother is the funnest job ever.