Motherhood

Becoming Mum

February 4, 2015

There hasn’t been a lightbulb moment or a bolt from above. But there was a second today when, all of a sudden, I thought – this motherhood thing isn’t hard anymore.

It’s taken a couple of years (OR MAYBE ALMOST-FIVE) but I can now truly and honestly say that I think I am a mother. I have finally – FINALLY – got used to it. I’m used to the responsibility, the relentlessness, even the sleep deprivation.

OK, that’s a lie, I think the sleep deprivation is something you never get used to.

I really don’t mind saying that four and a half years ago the reality of having children hit me in the face like a big wet fish. A big rotten wet fish that smelled like baby poo, never slept and made my nipples hurt. The worst kind of fish, basically.

Because the truth is that babies are hard. Really hard. Unlike the shiny happy view that the media and Hollywood give us of parenthood (weird, because Hollywood/the media is so truthful about everything else, right?) it really isn’t like that. You don’t look like Katherine Heigel right after you’ve given birth and you probably won’t even look as attractive as a pregnant Arnold Schwarchnegger in the nine months preceding, either. From the word go it’s vomity tiring struggle: you’re the one that throws up for almost a year and then baby arrives and teaches you the wonder of posset (I’m not referencing the dessert here). It is, quite literally, a bit sick.

In all honesty for me the first two years were a blur. And then Hux arrived: repeat, rinse etc. OH GOSH the tiredness.

But now – but now. It’s all coming together.

You can have actual conversations with both the children. You can reason with them about why it’s not wise to put things in their ear canal – they probably won’t listen, but at least you can try. When they get up at 5.30am you can ask them nicely to go back to sleep and they actually do it. They say adorably gorgeous things that you can bore all your friends with and you can proudly display their attempts at writing their first words over Social Media. Elfie told me the other day that I was “the most special mummy I have ever met” and Hux says “I love you” totally unprompted. It’s pretty cool.

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Don’t be fooled, it still isn’t easy. But I always think about that saying: “the days are long but the years are short”. Soon Hux will smell like a combination of cheesy feet and Lynx and Elfie will dye her hair black and think I’m hugely uncool. So I need to make the most of Hux wanting to share my pillow and Elfie creeping in at 5am to kiss my forehead.

Believe me, you’ll get there. It might take five years but once you become a mum it really is the best.

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26 Comments

  • Reply Sydney Shop Girl February 4, 2015 at 6:38 pm

    Oh bless. I am so happy that the reached this state of confidence and contentment with the present.

    I’m still a work I progress but I wouldn’t change a thing in the adventures so far. I learn so much aoutput myself, my little bit and the good people in my life with each little mishap.

    It really does take a village,

    SSG xxx

    • Reply alice February 4, 2015 at 7:16 pm

      You are so right about it taking a village! Having children really is the making of us xx

  • Reply Fran February 4, 2015 at 7:15 pm

    I really needed to hear this tonight! Lovely post, thanks x

    • Reply alice February 4, 2015 at 7:16 pm

      Sending love Fran x

  • Reply Natalie Ray February 4, 2015 at 8:30 pm

    Ah bless, I love this. I’m still not quite there yet but with my youngest nearing 9 months it’s getting easier. I look forward to being where you are now but I know I’ll miss them when they get to school.x

    • Reply alice February 4, 2015 at 10:37 pm

      Oh don’t, I’m dreading the time I wave Hux off to school for the first time. I like that I can pretend he is still my baby :)

  • Reply Harriet chapman February 4, 2015 at 11:16 pm

    Lovely post. And I love Elfie’s jarmies! Evie has those ones too, I think they are adorable!
    Looking forward to both girls being people instead of one person and a baby, this post reminds you how fast it all goes. X

    • Reply alice February 8, 2015 at 4:03 pm

      John Lewis? they really do sell the best PJs!

      it is brilliant when they become real human beings, and yes it does go so fast (nearly time for the next one) (HAHAH JOKE!) x

  • Reply Fromfuntomum February 5, 2015 at 9:07 am

    Amen! With Roo being a month old, I’m right back at the vomiting and pooing stage. Babies are hard, but luckily G keeps me amused xx

    • Reply alice February 8, 2015 at 5:47 pm

      And there’s also the benefit of him being one of the most beautiful babies in the history of the world ;) x

  • Reply sophie // the cake hunter February 5, 2015 at 11:20 am

    I love this. I’m only 14 months in and it’s so hard sometimes. So hard that I wonder if I could ever give enough of myself to a second child. I look forward to being able to have some semblance of a conversation with Tilly but at the same time I don’t want to wish my time with her away. I’m still waiting to feel like a Mum…maybe in 3 years and 10 months it’ll hit me ;)

    • Reply alice February 8, 2015 at 5:57 pm

      Put a note in your diary for 3 years and 10 months and let me know? ;) x

  • Reply Babooshka February 5, 2015 at 11:53 am

    Lovely post, Alice! My DS is now 3.3 years old and things have definitely calmed down over in our household too…enough so to make me think of having another one, eek!

    Coincidentally, this morning I caught DS watching me spraying perfume as I was getting ready for work and I had to explain to him what it was. I ended with ‘don’t worry, sweetheart, you won’t need any of this stuff until you are much older and at that point you’ll be dowsing yourself in Lynx’ ! Eeergghhh.

    • Reply alice February 8, 2015 at 8:06 pm

      Eeek! I am dreading the day I have to put Lynx in the shopping trolley! I have vague memories of dousing myself in sickly Impulse as a teen… thank goodness we get over that, eh?!

  • Reply Jenny February 5, 2015 at 8:01 pm

    Oh Alice I love this post. So true. I was just saying the other day I think I finally am getting the kick of this mother stuff and it’s almost four years so you aren’t alone in that. hahaha There will be tough moments instead of tough phases!!! Onward to school ville when they both are in school we will be saying where has our babies gone? lol

    • Reply alice February 8, 2015 at 8:07 pm

      Yes! I can’t believe how soon before they’re all in school – we won’t know what to do with ourselves without babies! x

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  • Reply PG McGrath February 6, 2015 at 7:14 pm

    Lovely blog post and so true about appreciating the moments and how one never gets used to sleep deprivation. Enjoy it beacuse my eldest is 13 now and while you still get the “I love yous” they are less frequent than my mantra, “put down your phone!”

    • Reply alice February 8, 2015 at 8:08 pm

      I hope at least there’s less sleep deprivation in your life now? Light at the end of the tunnel… :)

      • Reply PG McGrath February 11, 2015 at 12:54 pm

        Yes, one day you will actually find yourself saying, “This is not a restaurant. Clean up your plates!”

  • Reply sara February 7, 2015 at 8:00 am

    Yes! I’m almost on year two of the journey and the one thing keeping me going is….other moms. I never felt so strongly towards my own sex as I have since becoming a parent. It’s a mixture of feelings: pride, devotion, extreme protectiveness, admiration, fierce loyalty and a deep gratitude unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before.

    And I agree that the reason for this is no one warns you and people forget what it’s like. Other moms are the only os that get it (apart from our lovely partners, of course)!

    • Reply alice February 8, 2015 at 8:09 pm

      Very true, I have become so much closer to other women since I became a mother!

  • Reply Richmond Mummy February 7, 2015 at 9:50 am

    I can see glimpses of this in my own life but with C only just turning 2, we’re not quite there yet – but I’m trying to savour the final toddler days as much as possible because it is an impossibly cute time. I can see how much easier – although difficult in different ways – it is when they reach the age of 4 (going on 34 in my case!), fun times ahead! Great read x

    • Reply alice February 8, 2015 at 8:09 pm

      I am thinking that with Hux – he’s still such a delicious little toddler and I will miss it so much when it’s gone! x

  • Reply Fiona February 9, 2015 at 8:30 pm

    Nooo Lynx, do teenage boys still do that? I joke, of course, because I can barely breathe every time I pass a gaggle of them in the street. Beautiful post xx

    • Reply alice February 10, 2015 at 3:04 pm

      Heheh, I’m exactly the same ;) BLEURGH! x

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