Are Blogs Too Perfect?

mehux

When I was growing up we were told the internet was a scary place. I was always super aware that the fellow fifteen year old I was talking to on Yahoo! Chat could likely be a pervy sixty year old in Wigan wearing a sweat-stained string vest called Terry.

But now I’m a grown-up (HAH) and (I think) not so worried about hypothetical Terrys, I’ve realised there are other people on the Internet we should be wary of. And they are mothers just like me.

When I came out as having PND I was fairly shocked at the amount of people who emailed me saying “no! Not you! Not your perfect lovely life!”. And that made me feel a bit sad, like I’d been deceiving the people who read my blog. I was worried that I’d been portraying an image of perfection in my life that doesn’t actually exist.

Don’t get me wrong, my life is lovely. We live in a great place, have the means to put food on the table and heat in the radiators and I have two brilliant children. But it’s not all shiny happy perfection, not at all. I have a dusty dressing table and a baby’s high chair that has yesterday’s cement-like Weetabix stuck to it. Last week when both kids were sick I lost track of when the last shower I had was. I have the occasional screaming row with my husband and can rarely be bothered to hoover my stairs. When I’m having a bleak PND stretch I can go four days without leaving my house. On those days it gets to 3pm and sometimes I’m not sure if I’ve brushed my teeth or not. That’s gross, isn’t it? Definitely not shiney perfectiony rose-tinted awesomeness.

But nobody really wants to read about the bad stuff on a blog, or do they?

I don’t want to feel like I’m complaining about how tough my perfect lovely life is because I’m full aware that I should be very grateful, and I don’t want to bore people with my Middle Class moanings. But at the same time I don’t want to make others feel inadequate because I’m writing about a dream of motherhood that perhaps doesn’t quite exist: and I should know, I think I subconsciously strive for an ideal lifestyle that I read about daily but isn’t in my reach.

I’m an avid reader of blogs and there are some out there that make me sigh with longing. You know the ones? Perfect clothes, perfect hair. Perfect homes, perfect parties. Perfectly behaved cute kids. Perfect blogs. These are the women who definitely clean their teeth before 8am and always hoover their stairs. At least that’s what they make you think.

Behind the scenes maybe that isn’t the case. Maybe they have perfect homes because they pay their perfect cleaner to come twice a week? Maybe they have so much time to blog about their lives because their perfect husbands work 18 hours a day?

But still, people are always going to want to read their blogs because then they can believe this perfection is attainable in their own lives. Stepping into their lovely lives for 5 minutes a day is pure escapism.

What do you think? Would you rather your blogs came with a dose of reality, or do you like to read about the rose-tinted parts of people’s lives only?

63 thoughts on “Are Blogs Too Perfect?

  1. I completely agree. Sometimes, I find myself clicking off The Perfects, because they make me feel like I’m failing a bit. I have only hoovered my stairs once since we moved in and I can’t be arsed because bending down to put the attachment thing on (I don’t even know which one I’m supposed to use as my Vax has about ten) is too much effort. I like to think I’m honest – I try my best. I don’t want to put photographs of my manky house up yet, because it’s like an old folk’s home at the moment and I don’t want people thinking that my son lives in a mess. He doesn’t – it’s as clean as a whistle, but it’s hard to portray that when the carpets are likely to give any viewer and epileptic fit. I like blogs who strike a chord with me. I like to know you sit in PJs all day too. I like to know that you have shit days too. I like to know that you scream at your other half too. Because I do that. All the time. In a perfect world – I’d be loaded, at home, a successful author and blogger, have a child who teethed in silence and slept through all the time, and – oh – I’d be a size 12 too (that’s not asking too much is it? I mean an 8 would be greedy…). But I have this life and I love it. And I’m not about to pretend it’s something it’s not. xxx

  2. Hello! Ok so I totally see where you are coming from. I feel the same in many respects about people thinking I live a perfect shiny life of motherhood and my ideal job. BUT you’re right. People don’t want to read the negatives. Your humour on Instagram and vine etc implies enough of the reality of parenting without seeming like a party poop. Whether people like it or not they want to read about the good stuff. They want to feel uplifted. They/We Create opinions of people no matter what they share or write in a blog. My friend Grace at Stripes and Sequins always says she likes to write about what makes her and others happy. I used to think “not possible” but now I think it makes ME feel better when 80%of what I share is showing the happiness and the fun, rather than allowing myself to wallow.
    I Love your honesty though. Never lose that x

    • I am nodding in agreement because sharing the happy stuff does make me happy in turn. Wallowing ain’t fun, that’s for sure!
      I will never lose my honesty. I don’t have the self-control ;) xxx

  3. Oh my god, so true! And I think I’m very guilty of only blogging the shiny happy. Partly because I don’t like the idea of putting the negative stuff out there (also known as washing my dirty laundry in public) but also because I know I have so much to be grateful for. So I use my blog as a way of making myself focus on the great stuff, it gives me a way of attaining to always live better. But at the same time, my house is normally quite untidy, our bed sheets definitely need changing, there are days when the kids stay in the PJs until bath time and I have absolutely been guilty of a 3pm rush to the bathroom to brush my teeth (and hair)
    I think blogging does make us work harder and aspire to more, but it does also make you feel a bit crap when everyone else appears to be juggling everything so much better. But like everything I guess it’s about balance. On those occasions where things have got a bit on top of me and I have opened up about it on my blog, I’ve been blown away by support. But I do wonder if I’d get that if all I ever blogged was what a rubbish job I’m doing. I guess the same goes for the nice stuff too. It’s lovely to see, but if that’s all you ever blog it’s not very believable.
    Ahhhh, sorry for the essay. But it’s been an issue on my mind a lot lately too. X

    • I’m so glad to hear you do the 3pm dash/kids in pjs til bedtime thing too!! As Aly said above (and I agree), sometimes only blogging about the happy stuff can take your focus away from the rubbish stuff and make you feel happier.

      I also agree with what you’ve said about the support, too. There’s nothing else like the support of the blogging community. It’s one big happy computer-y family x

  4. I like all blogs but the ones that portray a perfect life well I do sometimes get tired of them or envious or how the hell do they do it but that’s probably because I want to know more about their life’s – nosey I may be but then that might be because I’m having such a bad day or a bad week and I just want to relate to these blogs knowing that they’re having shit day too. Then I think why am I trying to relate to a blog/person when I could ring up my friends and just tell them. And now I know it’s because in real life people are too proud, too scared or think that no one really cares or want to know because they’re got their own shit going on and then you realise that these blogs may feel the same as in real life sometimes we as people sometimes just want to hide our shitness or problems in private espcially me as a mum I try to keep a brave face because thats what Iv seen the older generation do (my mum) and that’s fine because everyone is different some are private, some are professitional, some are open, some funny, some are serious and some are boring just like these blogs and good job because which ever mood I’m in that day there’s a blog the same just a click away. I think I’m trying to say pressure of all sorts in life so why should people feel pressured to be perfect or become open about the shitness of this and that why can’t we just let everyone just be who they want to be in life and on there online life. I’m going on a bit or a lot haha but for example some days I just want to be perfect, do good for my child and be really positive – I get criticised for that. Some days I want be negative, moan about everything – I get criticised. We can’t win EVER and we can’t please all the people all of the time.

  5. I’ve been reading your blog for a little over a year now, and I want to say I always really enjoy reading what you have to say. You’re funny and a lot more “real” than some of the other parent bloggers I follow. I think what you’re saying is true; I read these blogs and am often left feeling inadequate because these women are just SO perfect. They seem to have gorgeous, modern homes, their hair is always just right, they cook elaborate, expensive meals, and their blogs reflect this. But the best aspect of your blog, and what sets you apart, is reading about your real life, your struggles with Elfie’s condition, your PND, your witty videos and your bravery. I really admire bloggers like you. There are few and far between who are so willing to be honest. . You’re not afraid to be yourself and I really, truly admire that. I couldn’t put myself out there, that’s why my blog is private. But I’d like to think all of these women with sparkling floors and not a hair out of place aren’t so Stepford. I guess we never know what goes on behind closed doors.

  6. Call me a cynic, but when I read these “perfect” blogs I don’t actually believe them, not to where I question myself and my abilities as a parent. I’m not trying to be funny, but as a mother of 2 I am well aware of the ups and downs. It’s easier to blog about the good stuff, but I think it’s important to mention the difficult things too. If not to show that life is tough, but life goes on and hopefully tomorrow will be a better! Blogs never show the whole picture anyway just what the author wants you to see. Is it bad they only want to show the good stuff? And I doubt anyone would read a blog that was all “Woe is me” I’m rambling now, but I think I’d like to see a bit of both.

  7. I agree that there are some people who seem to have this perfect life, children who eat their dinner properly every night, never tantrum, but I think the key word there is *seem*. They *seem* to have a perfect life.
    I think that there’s those who want to portray a perfect life, and that they have everything right, but at the same time there are the ones that want to forget about the hard times and maybe feel that by writing about them people may assume they are struggling, when they’re not.

    I’ve had people hint that I’m too personal on my blog, but at the same time I’ve had a few people email me to say that they appreciate me writing about anxiety, and how hard life can be, because they feel the same but can’t talk about it for whatever reason.
    I’m not talking to my dad at the moment because of something he read on my blog. It was about his wedding and my feelings on the day, I’d shared my feelings with him before, after and even on the day so it wasn’t new to him. But I felt it was important to share how I felt and as a result other people came forward to say they understood my feelings and felt the same.

    I think reading a perfect blog and then watching Eastenders is a great balance.

  8. I do find a certain amount of intrigue in the ‘perfect’ blogs, but the ones that hold my attention, that have been in my reader the longest, that I never get bored of or tempted to hit ‘unsubscribe’, are the REAL blogs that show the ups and downs of real life, and have a real voice behind them. The point of my own blog is to record memories. I’d feel like I was only recording half of it if I didn’t write about the not-so-good things too.

  9. Ive always been pretty honest, I started blogging during pregnancy and that certainly wasn’t as glam as its made out to be. I do however keep some things from my blog as its a keepsake for Rio but generally I write it how it is. Not every day is perfect so blogs shouldn’t have to be either. I prefer to read a happy medium though. Sometimes I read blogs and envy all the perfect routines and activities but it’s not always like that is it? Like you though I’m more than grateful of what I’ve got. Rio is so well behaved and we are blessed.

  10. It’s a fine line to tread, I think. There’s nothing wrong with being honest and I love it when you are! But it’s easy to come across as whiny or ungrateful or just plain depressing, too. I don’t have an answer for you but I love reading about your gorgeous little life and I understand that it has rough and smooth patches but most of all, lots and lots of love.

  11. You’ve hit the nail on the head there.. btw my stairs got hoovered last night after weeks of neglect and I thank the Lord for the blur option on instagram so I can hide the mess behind the blur.

    Personally I think every single one of us bloggers and non bloggers has our good days and bad days and we all strive for the life of perfection.. behind every ‘Perfect’ there will be dust and a pair of dirty knickers or a rouge left behind the door. It’s life. It’s good to see and read people’s good points in their life as it’s inspiring, we should always keep in mind not to compare our lives to others as we all have different situations.

    Whatever you’re doing, you’re doing it right if it feels right for you and I love your blog!

    A xx

  12. Great post!!

    I most certainly prefer the blogs that are “real”… I do like to read about people’s lovely lives and homes as they *can* be an inspiration. But I only like them if they balance it with the occasional “real” post about the nitty, gritty, downright ugly parts of life sometimes too. Sometimes I wonder if the reason I don’t have many regular blog readers is because I am too real (ha)… but then life has been pretty darn rubbish for us the past couple of years and so the blog has reflected that. I think a blog should portray both what is happening in your life (good and bad) as well as your hopes and dreams. When I find myself worrying about writing something on my blog in case someone doesn’t like it, that is when I know I need to remember that my blog is ultimately a place for me to write about life and not something that is crafted for others to enjoy (though that can be a nice outcome of it!) It’s hard. though, isn’t it when you realise that the “popular” blogs are the ones that are very much like the media – shining and happy.

    As I said, great post!

  13. Great post. I always say ‘You never know what’s going on in other people’s lives’ and I guess that applies to blogging too. It’s always worth being mindful of the fact that a blogger is only ever sharing what they want us to know. Quite right too, it’s their life after all. But sometimes it’s easy to forget that, and think everything is perfect when it isn’t. We just don’t know either way.

    In writing my blog, I always try to stay true to myself and keep it real. I want to look back on it one day as a memoir – so there wouldn’t be any point faking it. That might mean it’s less appealing to some, but honestly, I don’t mind that, I’m not looking to scale the heights of the blogosphere so I’m happy just being me – imperfect as I am!

  14. Hi Alice!
    Can I just say that yours is the one blog I read religiously. I potter about and dip into others often, but never miss a post on here, and it appears I’m not the only one, so that says something right? You blog about your life, and I don’t think anyone should criticize you for that.
    I try to blog about how our lives are – sometimes more “real” than others – but I always keep in mind that my child may read it in future (and I hope he does) so I don’t think I want to portray how his mother only hoovered the stairs if her mother in law was coming over, or how infrequently we changed his socks! I too will look back at my blog in future and I’ll want to be reminded about the happy times, and the things that made me smile, so that’s what I choose to write about. I don’t think any of us are perfect, but don’t think we need to be commissioning “I’m not perfect” t-shirts any time soon. Anyone who reads your blog long enough will get the true picture of a beautiful family who are doing a really good job of coping with life’s ups and downs. xxx

  15. Ha! I am counting myself to The Perfects then with my perfect cleaner coming twice a week… Alternatively, I’d freak my family out with my OCDness and make them have their meals in the garden. Or so.
    Funny that your post came up today – I have been thinking about an honest post called ‘Kids stink’. It’s true. They do :)

  16. I do read your blog and feel envious… of how bloody brilliant it is and how beautifully you write. I also really like the way you have decorated your home and I like to look at the pretty pictures for inspiration. Oh and your recipes make my mouth water. Your children are pretty darn cute as well ;-) To me, your blog is perfect. but only because it is one of the most honest and real blogs I subsribe to. I think you give enough of yourself to be credible without handing everything over… does that make sense?
    I don’t disclose absolutely everything that happens in my life on the blog (as you know) but that’s because some of my stories don’t just belong to me and I try to be respectful about how much my family is comfortable with me putting on the internet. That’s not to say I never will though :-)
    I don’t really look at those ‘perfect’ blogs and think they make up the whole picture of the blogger’s life and rather just enjoy them for the glimpse they do provide.
    xxxxx

  17. I think you’re right and it’s wider than just blogging, social media, conversations with other Mums, the ‘truth’ we want our friends to ‘see’ can all give off this impression life is perfect rosiness. And it is, I am happier than I have ever been and have more than I ever wanted but I still get grumpy about my old house, fed up with the hours my husband worked over Easter and sometimes I even yell at my kids, I’m not proud of those things I wouldn’t put them on my CV but it’s called being human.

  18. I have used my blog as a way to document my boys little lives and practise my photography. Sometimes it looks like I just post shiny happy times from arty angles with “pin worthy” compositions. But I decided fairly soon after starting my blog that I wasn’t going to use it as my best friend, I read a post from A Beautiful Mess which I adore about using your blog for the positive. Theirs has evolved into a lifestyle blog rather than a personal journal. I think you can decide as you go where and what you want your blog to be. I would love mine to be a platform for my photography and hire venture (one day) so I have purposely kept mine happy. If I want to use it as a business blog in the future I know I may regret sharing too much personal info. That doesn’t mean we don’t have screaming rows and the boys drive me to distraction sometimes, of course they do! Although I did post a tired “essay” with a very unflattering picture once. I have posted a few behind the scenes shots and messy house photos to twitter so it’s not all posed “perfect life” all the time. I think every blog has it’s own voice and own place and when you find the place that feels right for you go with it, “perfect” or not so perfect. Great post thanks for sharing, glad to have found your blog xx

  19. Sometimes I blog the bad days, but as a home educator, I feel slightly vulnerable that one day those could be held against me. So most of the time I leave the worst bits out.

  20. Personally, I don’t think “perfect” exists. When I write my own blog, I try to be as open as possible and, for me, I can only write what I’m thinking anyway. That means that there are posts where I’m tired – and say so, or posts where I’ve survived an epic toddler tantrum – and say so. Then again, as a reader, while I like to know others have similar struggles to mine, it is sometimes nice to escape into a lovely world where everything is pretty and perfect, even though I know it’s probably not real. But I can see that it’s only one angle of a life, only view and I’m able to step back and say, “Ooh that’s pretty”, without saying, “Ooh that’s pretty, why isn’t MY house like that? Why don’t I do that as a mum?! AAAAAAGH!” if you see what I mean? For what it’s worth, you writing about PND is certainly not a turn-off to me reading your blog. I love those posts just as much as the shiny mini-break posts or the ones about your favourite beauty products. Variety is the spice of life and all that.

  21. I think it’s important to blog about the bad things too but obviously it’s a personal choice and I can understand why people choose not to. I blog about the bad days too because it’s natural and no matter how much we have to be grateful for, sometimes we still finds things tough, it’s natural, and also because I think if Iyla ever reads back through then I would want her to read a balance account of our lives in the help it would help her as a mum. I do read blogs where everything is positive and I enjoy reading them, at the end of the day no-one has a perfect life! X

  22. I’m far more interested in the more honest blogs than the perfect ones, probably because I can relate to them! Fluffy aspirational stuff is fine once in a while but I much prefer something that will make me laugh, nod in agreement or help me realise that I’m not the only one enduring sleepless nights/a cheeky toddler/a wonky work-life balance. Speaking of which, HOW do you find the time to blog and run MAMA? I am very impressed! If I manage a blog post a week, I’m pleased with myself. If you ever need any contributors, let me know (though my turnaround time isn’t very fast!).

  23. I’ve never commented before, but I’ve been reading your blog for about a year now, and I honestly can say yours is one of my favourites because of how down to earth and real your posts are! They’re more than often very funny and inspiring! I also feel motivated by lots of your posts :)

  24. As a few people have stated above, I never feel ‘inadequate’ when reading a ‘perfect’ blog, as i’m guessing they don’t show a lot of the shit stuff that goes on (we all have it), or only tiny snippets of it. Which is fine, as it’s everyone’s prerogative how much personal stuff they wish to share, or how ‘positive’ they wish to make their blog. For example, they might not want to look back on bad times if they’re using the blog as a personal/family diary. I’m a fairly new blogger, and I feel it will take time for my blog to evolve, and it will take me some time to ascertain how comfortable I feel sharing certain aspects of my life. It sounds weird, but I feel like the more readers I get, the more I might feel like talking/writing about other things. It’s a bit odd spilling to no one I feel!

    I also know that as a reader, I take certain things from certain blogs- some I like because I feel the writer is a similar character/has similar interests to myself/just writes well. Some I follow because of their crafts/toddler crafts/recipes/fashion/travel posts. Some I follow because they ARE just pretty and have shiny lives and make you feel good reading them. But what the ones I keep coming back to all have in common is that they are inspiring in some way, and have an authentic feel, even if you know that the person writing it might still be keeping some things private. Without being mean-spirited, there is a fairly well known UK blog that I do read a lot as I love the recipes and housey posts, plus the lovely pictures that come with it, but despite it being ‘perfect’ I don’t feel it always genuine. I feel that a lot of it contrived and is targeted to the US market deliberately, rather than just writing for fun and then making the most of money-making opportunities that come its way. Obviously the writer can do what the hell they like, (and why not if they’re making money out of it?!), but it sort of makes me like it less and think of it as being less ‘perfect’ and shiny shiny as I feel it’s not always written for genuine reasons- if that makes sense?

    PS- I hoover everywhere… apart from my stairs. The hoover is just too bloody heavy to be arsed to lug it up them!

  25. The truth is always so much more interesting!
    I only write the bare, bald truth on my blog, so much so I’ve lost readers who have young children because it scares them to read what they might go through when they’re teenagers.
    But I can’t pretend all’s perfect when it’s not. And I can’t read blogs that feel like too perfect, too shiny, too fake cos being a mum of children of any age isn’t perfect or shiny. It’s real and it’s scary and it’s wonderful and it’s amazing and it’s messy and sometimes it makes you cry with sadness and other times with happiness.
    I don’t want to hear how amazing these parents want me to think their lives are, I want to read the real nitty gritty truth of their lives.
    Thank you for talking about this. xxx

  26. I’ve only just discovered your blog, but I’ve already marked it as one of my favourites. It’s funny that you’ve just written this post, I’m writing one now called ‘Ten Parenting Truths’ – I’ve tried to keep it as honest as possible, but still quite light, but in reality I have days where I just think, “how am I going to get through til bedtime?” I constantly wish I’d decided to get a cat instead of having children, and those perfect blogs kill me to the point that I can’t read them. The ones that have endless spotless white surfaces are mental – where are the fingerprints? The chewed up bits of toast? The snot and the vomit and the broken remote control? Perhaps that’s just me. Ahem.

  27. Oooh ive been dying to reply to this all day.
    Firstly though i read your blog because i love it. It was one of the first i discovered when pregnant as was a couple of weeks behind you with Elfie. I have to say that when i do read constantly moany blogs it tends to get me down and pee me off a bit but at the same time there is a certain blog i read that gets right on my tits…not yours but someone who appears to have the perfect life, husband, children, house, gardden, parties blah blah blah. I get to see every single lovely item they appear to buy daily, they dont post pics of their sanitary products and haemmoroid creams though, bet if they did they would be pastel coloured and trimmed with lace… Grrr sorry am ranting now. Plus the odd time you ask these people a question about where something came from for example they never bloody reply. Anyway my point is although blogs and tes your blog is mainly positive and happy its lovely, you are lovely and your children are lovely therefore i enjoy reading it but its good to read the odd post about your house Lso being dusty and you also have screaming matches with you husband just to keep it real!! Ps photos and filters are a devil for Making things appear more perfect than they are, you naturally take a pic of a scene that appeals to you rather than your full laundry basket. To summarise You Rock! Xxx

  28. This is such a thought-provoking post. I suppose it’s a case of different strokes for different folks. But in my case, I need my blog to be true to me. I need it to be honest and explain what’s really going on. Sometimes that makes for a dark and depressing read, I realise that. But my view is that, similar to TV, really, people have a choice whether to read it of not. I personally think that the most important thing that one mum can do for another is to be authentic. Especially when it comes to PND. It doesn’t discriminate based on how “perfect” your life is. In my opinion perfection is a myth. It doesn’t truly exist. We’ve all got our struggles and I think that if we share them, we make others feel less alone and more “enough”.
    Fab post, Alice xx

  29. Don’t change! I really like your blog – your honesty about the good days and the bad days, and your sense of humour.

    The most frustrating thing I’ve been told many times already (I’m expecting my first any day now – he/she was due on 30th March…hurry up little one!) is that I’m organised, I’ll be fine and will take to parenting without any problems. This blasé advice didn’t really surprise me when coming from well-meaning but childless friends (although it is frustrating) but really shocked me when coming from friends with children who know it isn’t easy and why on earth should I be the only one not to find it hard?! On the a really basic level, at what other point in your life do you take on a completely new role without any issues?!

    Your blog is already helping and supporting me on the rocky but amazing road of motherhood so please don’t stop with your open posts about the ups and downs – we all need a bit of positivity, and hopefully your posts about the things that make you happy help you remember things aren’t always grey on grey days, but we need a good dose of reality too :-)
    X

    • Thank-you Ally! Best of luck with your birth. I was really really really lucky not to go over with either of mine which I think may have killed me as I am the most impatient person I know! Sending ‘out, baby’ vibes your way.

      I agree, that kind of advice really isn’t helpful. In fact, I find I want to punch most people who give parenting advice in the face ;) If ever I get asked for baby advice I say; “it’ll be so hard, some days you will think you won’t be able to make it. But you will be OK”. My motto is, as long as everyone’s all alive I must be doing something right! x

  30. Everyone has a story. Some people just blag it better than others. Some of us find our blogs are solace from the reality of the pain / drudge of our lives and so don’t mention the shitty bits because we’re trying to escape them. The story is in what people don’t say sometimes. We all just do our best and, rarely, do any of us feel that is enough!

  31. I much prefer a blog that shows the true colours of life, in all it’s shades. Life for every single person has ups and downs and I think a blog should reflect that. I’ve always tried to write with absolute honesty in my blog which at times is really hard but I write for me, not for others, although others do read it, which often makes the level of honesty harder.
    Be true to yourself and live with integrity. It’s not about doing for others, it’s about doing right by yourself.

    • Quite right, though as you said you do have to be sensitive when others read it! I’m mindful of my extended famiy’s privacy, there have been some things I’ve been DYING to write about but haven’t been able to because of the family drama it would cause.

  32. Great post, totally agree. Sometimes for me, the perfect fluffy blogs are being over done. They are no longer unique, I can read many MANY blogs that portray perfection, but I find perfection boring.
    My blog is real, its me, I over share and make mistakes which really is the story of my life.
    Love your blog and your honesty, its what keeps blogs like this alive!

  33. I almost stopped reading at “When I was growing up we were told the internet was a scary place.” because it made me feel old! I was finishing university when the Internet came into full play! I think I was 22 or so the first time I heard about it! But I didn’t stop reading, because being old is part of my imperfection.

    My house is a mess and I don’t think I have PND as an excuse (although husband reckons I have PPND, something he may well have invented), I do have a very active child though, destroyer of anything tidy and a whole lot of work always.

    I do love looking at inviting blogs and Instagram photos but, the cynic and extreme realist in me, does wonder whether this corner of their world is indeed an attempt to have something that is tidy, clean, perfect… because everything else is falling apart.

    • I’m sorry I made you feel old! In my defence I think I was, hmm, 14 when we first got the internet? Hope that makes you feel a bit better ;) I feel sometimes that being young is part of my imperfection.

      I love what you’ve said that having their corner of the world so orderly is an attempt to have something that way when everything else is falling apart. Very thought-provoking.

  34. I prefer the honest blogs too, and I think that is due to the fact that I once read a book about writing articles and it said that writing about your personal experiences will show your honest voice. I read the occasional perfect blog. My life isn’t perfect, nobody’s is, and I only blog about what I want to blog about.

  35. Definitely reality. I love to read funny anecdotes, because often I can relate to them. I figure if you can put something amusing about yourself on the internet, you probably don’t take yourself too seriously, and that is the kind of person I get on best with.

    I also think you can see right through it when someone only writes about how perfect their life is. I can think of a couple of blogs like that, and to be honest they just irritate the crap out of me. Bring on the trumpets! And the funny fuck ups, I say.

  36. I’ve thought about this a lot since becoming a mother who blogs (can’t bear phrase mummy blogger!). I like a mixture which I think you and like to think I do too. You don’t want to read a blog that’s full of whinging but personally I find The Perfects as Charlotte calls them, just as unappealing. Or at least appealing in the way reading Vogue is from time to time. You know it’s not reality but you like to look at the prettiness. I can’t imagine the exhaustion of keeping up that level of ‘happy’, I might be reading too much into it but Naomi of Rockstar Diaries occasionally blogs something more honest and less peppy and you get the feeling she’d love to let it all out but feels she can’t because of how huge she’s become. It’s that old dichotomy between what we think we want and what we really want. Give me a dose of realism with a bow on top any day!

  37. So glad to read an honest post. Lots of my mum friends seem to think I have the perfect home, work, kids balance but the only thing I have down to perfection is disguising all the chaotic juggling behind scenes. I think it’s very easy to project an image out there like many bloggers but in reality if your life was anything like the glossy portrayals you’d be either run ragged or perhaps neglecting some area of your life. I aim for 4 days a week where my home ,kids and I look presentable and bake, paint,play and have fun but as a result the other 3 days I struggle by, however on the positive side I know I’m winning if more than half the week has been a sucess! A blogger only shows a snapshot of their day however you can guarantee it has taken a lot of preparation to project that image of perfection despite claims of “I just threw this old thing on” or “I just had some leftovers and ta dah” !!! Yeh rite !?Much more relatable and refreshing to read posts like these!

  38. I think maybe you are reading too many ‘yummy mummy’ blogs! I read blogs by stressed single mums, panicking dads, mums that have miscarried, or with young babies that have died. I read blogs from depressed women struggling to cope with family life, people with eating disorders. I read a multitude of blogs. None have a ‘perfect’ life. maybe it’s a case of ‘the grass is always greener’?

    For me reading about a perfect day that a busy family has found in a week of chaos is a tonic. It shows me there is hope for our family too. I also think a fair few parent bloggers (myself included) prefer to wash ‘dirty linen in private’ as they say, so we may miss out the worst of the stupid family rows, or gloss over them at least.

    Nice post. Makes you think. But I don’t think bloggers should change how they write, there are plenty of blogs out there to choose the ones that suit us as readers.

  39. Keep it real lady!!!
    Life is full of ups snd downs, good and bad phases. I steer well clear of the happy skippy blogs that are around, they scare me silly, and don’t make me feel good. I’m a recent reader of your blog, and one of the things that makes me want to return to it, is your honesty.
    . As a mum of 3 children, I have a long history of depression. I accept that it’s part of my life, snd really try to remember that a bad period will eventually become better again. Blogs have become part of my therapy. It’s soooo good to read that other peoples lives are not perfect either. It’s kind of on the spot therapy.

    Cheers dude, and continue with the honesty!!!

  40. I think that without a dose of reality, blogs can quickly become boring. You’re right – there’s a proliferation of perfect, squeaky clean, sunshine-filled blogs out there (Americans seem to do it particularly well), but despite an initial sort of starstruck fascination, they are so utterly impossible to relate to that I find myself feeling at best bored, and at worst rather cross (with them, or with myself for not being like them), or dissatisfied with my own life which involves commuting and working five days a week, with no time to take the laundry off the radiators or sometimes even talk to my husband, let alone maintain a lovely blog that projects an image of domestic bliss.
    Whilst I do think that there is much to be said for projecting positivity – it can be helpful for the writer to focus on life’s happier aspects, and inspirational for the reader – it’s reassuring to read a post like this, and know that there are those who question the perfect images that are put before them. I suppose it’s all part of the lifelong journey that is learning to be happy with oneself.
    I don’t yet have kids, but I love reading motherhood blogs like yours. I am fascinated by what it’s like to bring up children, and I consider myself lucky that there’s a whole host of witty, honest women out there who are brave and open about what it’s really like to be a mum. So thank you – you’re doing the future mums of the world a great service!
    p.s. Huge congratulations on the very exciting book plans.
    p.p.s. Seem to have inadvertently written an essay. Apologies.

  41. My blog is all about the shiny happy, but not to make others feel bad, it is just that is what I want to remember and my blog is something I hope I can look back on when these days seem like a blur.

    And you are meant to hoover the stairs? oops! I only take photos in one room in the house as I really can’t be bothered to clean the rest! x

  42. Out of all the blogs I read, I stay with the ones that write openly and honestly. I’m all for sharing positivity and believe that Like attracts Like but I also know that parenting is a tough job, none of us get it right all of the time and “perfection” just doesn’t exist. If anyone tells you it does, they are lying. We can come close but life throws us curved balls from time to time to see how we can cope. It’s these times in life that help us grow as human beings. When we don’t have kids, it can seem relatively easy to cope with life under pressure but when you throw kids into the mix, it can make for a highly emotive situation where we begin to struggle at getting it “right” and “perfect” all the time. Like you I suffered PND with my first and then my mother died when my second was just 8 months old. These life events threw our little world into complete chaos, and I’ve blogged about that because it is a part of me not because I want to be morbid and depressing. It doesn’t make me all “doom and gloom”, just honest about the parts of life that don’t quite work out as you thought they would. If being honest like you are means you help others feel they are not alone and that not being “perfect” is OK then in my view that is a great thing. Of course I want to read the good stuff too, who doesn’t, but I also need to read the not so good stuff to believe that you are real like me, that I can relate to you and that you too are just trying to make sense of a constantly changing world xx

  43. I am definitely a warts and all type blogger, blurting out whatever is on my mind, but I think that is because I blogged long before getting married and having babies when all I had to share was ramblings about work, drunken weekends and the occasional boyfriend!

    I read a great quote on Instagram which has really stuck with me:

    “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel”

    That sums it up for me. Yes I do end up just sharing the good bits on some social media sites (Instagram and FB mainly, I am a lot more honest on Twitter I think). But when I see other people’s ‘perfect’ families and lives I just remember that they are just sharing the good stuff, which is human nature.

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  45. I thought this was a great post and so so true – there are some blogs you read and you just think “sigh, my life will never be that perfect…” and it’s a bit depressing. And then there are times I wonder if I don’t blog enough about the not so great stuff alongside the great stuff, but then I remember I have written about my toddler frequently taking her nappy off and pooing all over the bed and waxing or not waxing my bikini line and I figure I’ve featured a fair bit of the non perfect from time to time! x

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