I worry

This post originally appeared in my old blog, www.the-alice.co.uk

I was wrong when I thought I would be totally laid back about this pregnancy. Every twinge, every waning symptom has me running to Google and re-testing with my pee sticks, or calling NHS direct in a state of panic.

Our booking in appointment at UCH was fantastic. We were allocated a student midwife, which I was dubious of at first, but she was just lovely and able to answer our questions well. I mentioned to her the dropping off of my painful boobs (I’m able to lie on my stomach again, total revelation) as well as a faint pregnancy test (why? Why? Why? have I still been testing at 10 weeks pregnant? All credit to the midwives at UCH who they didn’t ask this question, I sure as hell would have). Still, the fact that the line was a lot weaker than my earlier tests worried me horribly.

They took my worries seriously and marched me down to the Early Pregnancy Unit for a scan. Internet, we have a baby:

It has arms and legs that were moving! A head! An umbilical cord! And what looks like a football, but is apparently a yolk.

I would like to write about how the tiredness that has taken over my life is still… well, taking over my life, but the happiness is overriding that.

My 10+4 Baby Belly

This post originally appeared in my old blog, www.the-alice.co.uk

So here’s the belly at 10 weeks 4 days. There’s the start of something baby in there, but I would like to know when this mysterious ‘glow’ will arrive. Right now all I want to do is sleep and vomit.

Blindsided

This post originally appeared in my old blog, www.the-alice.co.uk

Before I got pregnant, I really thought it was a fairly easy process. I thought my boobs would grow slightly as they do once a month, I might crave some weird foods, I’d avoid alcohol, grow a cute belly and pop out a gorgeous baby after 9 months. I thought if I had morning sickness, it would be just that, a little bit of throwing up in the morning which I would be happy to deal with knowing there was a baby at the end of it.

Nobody told me about the bone-numbing tiredness, the total fatigue that would have me sleeping at my desk if I could. I didn’t know about the constipation, that morning sickness could be not only in the morning but all day (and night). I didn’t know that I would lose weight, having gone off all food (apart from cheese straws), and that my husband would force feed me my 5 a day. I didn’t anticipate my boobs to hurt SO MUCH that every time I roll over in bed I would wince. And most importantly, I didn’t know how badly I would suffer with the worry that something, anything, could go wrong at any moment.

Last week I noticed a drop-off in my symptoms, and Googling this at 2am was not a good idea. I managed to get an emergency appointment with my GP the next morning, and she decided that this, coupled with my cramps (which have been consistent the last three weeks) warranted an early scan the next day. If I said I was terrified that would have been an understatement.

We went off to hospital the next day with a full bladder, where horrendously they were running half an hour late. I have never ever needed to pee so badly in my entire life. When we were finally called in, the sonographer couldn’t find anything because my bladder was too big! I had to half empty it for another try, but still nothing, so I then had to empty it completely for an internal scan.

Our baby looked amazing. Measuring slightly small for our dates (7+2), they estimated the baby to be closer to 6+4, but this date will be re-estimated at my next scan on 4th January. Everything was perfect. Baby is in the right place, there is a healthy flickering heartbeat and my womb and ovaries are totally normal.

And to quash my worrying further, yesterday my symptoms came back with a vengance.

Relief.

Pinch me

This post originally appeared in my old blog, www.the-alice.co.uk

My pregnancy is starting to feel slightly more real – I cant roll over in bed without my painful boobs waking me up, I had to leave a meeting this morning to eat a biscuit before I threw up, my stomach is bloated and I am exhausted. Plus there is the small matter of the 9 pregnancy tests I have now taken (one digital), my husband thinks I’m mad but I love seeing that line get stronger and stronger each day.

It’s funny, I used to spend a lot of my life worrying that I would never get pregnant and thinking that when I would get pregnant I would feel this sense of relief and relaxation, but now I’m pregnant I can’t stop worrying about every symptom, every twinge.  I know I shouldn’t; I’m young, I’ve never been healthier, my mother never miscarried, I’m on my folic acid and doing all the right things but I can’t help the guilt and worry. Apparently this is what it is going to be like for the rest of my baby’s life (says Babycentre).